Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote a lot and so we have quotes from him that still influence us today. In Notes from the cellar hole he wrote the following quote. But why was he of this opinion and what can we ourselves learn from it?
Dostoevsky, by the way, also had brilliant views on how to find a reason to live. You can learn more here.
When we truly love another person and do not just want to satisfy our physical desire, we want the best for them. We want the other person to be well and sacrifice ourselves for them in a certain way. We also show our vulnerable sides when we spend a long time with a person. This inevitably happens because no human being is perfect and the more time you spend with someone else, the more likely it is that we will also show weaknesses.
So we give up control of our metaphorical heart and trust that the other person thinks and feels the same way. This can be applied not only to Eros (the physical love) but also Philia (the friendly love) as well as Storge (the family love). As soon as we approach another person, we lower our shield. We invite the other person into our home, so to speak. Through this, it can also happen, dramatically speaking, that we are stabbed or poisoned in our sleep. Of course, it can also happen just as well that the other person cleans up our house and makes it nicer.
It is not possible to have true and pure love without making oneself vulnerable. From vulnerability, suffering can easily follow. Whether the other person does this voluntarily, wantonly or accidentally is irrelevant here.
For example, the other person might have an accident, in which case the suffering inflicted would not be intentional. Nevertheless, one would suffer because the other person is unwell and we can only help to a limited extent. It doesn't even have to be an accident. Seeing one's own parents age can already have a similar effect. To see that slowly but surely the ravages of time are gnawing at them and we do not know how much time we still have with them.
In another example, our partner might cheat on us. In this case, the suffering would be wanton or voluntarily inflicted. In addition, we will reproach ourselves for having misjudged the other person. Is our knowledge of human nature that bad? Have we not put enough work into the relationship? In one fell swoop, an avalanche of questions is triggered in our minds.
But one must not forget that it is precisely this suffering that makes the body something so beautiful and fragile.
What is your opinion on the subject? Is it really possible to love sincerely without suffering, or do you agree with Fyodor Dostoevsky?